The purpose of this paper is to share a poem I wrote as I seek to publish findings from my PhD. The poem, which can be considered as a form of evocative autoethnography, expresses trauma incurred during childhood triggered by feedback accompanying a desk reject. The poem echoes internalised judgement but also seeks to provide hope that achievement is possible even in the face of what feels insurmountable. The backdrop of the poem is the neo-liberal university, the emotive and perilous demand to publish or perish, as well as patriarchal mansplaining.