Domestic violence can leave women in a precarious position in regards to basic needs such as health, housing and income. It can make their participation in education, social and community life extremely marginal and seriously undermine their ability to parent in the way that they would like. Women in certain tight-knit communities may be ostracised if they speak out about the violence as they get blamed for bringing shame on to the community. Drawing on information collected over a number of studies, we discuss the myriad ways in which women resist violence and attempt to keep themselves and their children safe. We outline the strategic decisions women make in the face of precarious circumstances and reveal the various ways so-called helping agencies too often fail to help. Of particular concern is the way certain state agencies act in oppressive and controlling ways, in effect holding women responsible for the violence visited upon them and their children and requiring women to jump through the hoops to prove themselves as worthy. We offer our thoughts on what is needed to support of women and their children that will enable them to flourish.